Some people are so unhappy with their lives that they no longer know the reasons why they are perpetually unhappy, and they have been that way so long they no longer realize there is another option. Margie always blames her unhappiness on the way others behaved, that people are not sensitive to her needs, and no one cares for her. All her thoughts are centered on herself and her needs, and she lives in a negative self-fulfilling prophecy that people simply dislike her. The reason is simple – if we are full of wrong thoughts, we are miserable, and when we are miserable, we usually end up making others around us miserable too. It is practically impossible to be happy while maintaining negative, critical, depressing thoughts. Now is the time we need to discipline our mind to remain focused on what is of value, and knowing that we have the power over our thoughts and change the way we live our lives for the better!
Actually how we choose our thoughts, the way we make decisions, and the manner in which we speak has to do with our self-esteem. One of the better definition of the term ‘Self-esteem’ is “the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.”
To live a life marked by competence, fulfillment, contentment and accomplishment, you need healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem sets a foundation for developing respect and empathy for others, instead of only thinking about yourself and your needs. It gives us the basis for accepting responsibility for our actions and for gaining satisfaction from our achievements. People with healthy esteem possess the ability to love themselves – a prerequisite to love and be loved by others.
People who lack self-esteem do not do themselves any favors, but often display aggressive, egotistical, harmful and defensive behavior along with a total lack of empathy. The process of diminishing our self-esteem begins with a simple observation that we somehow do not measure up with our own and other peoples’ expectations. We judge ourselves harshly as different and deficient in many ways and decide that we do not belong anywhere. From this point, our lives unfold in accordance with our expectations, which directly relate to how we feel about ourselves and how we communicate with people. Often coming to the conclusion that we deserve pain and suffering because we lack value. When we judge ourselves harshly, we dramatically diminish our ability to merit love, achieve the success and commit to doing a positive difference in our lives and the lives of others. As our self-esteem insidiously continues to diminish, we find ourselves incapable of directing our lives, lacking discipline, and damaging our effectiveness and efficiency with low productivity. Resignations set in like dry rot, killing our spirits. As we judge ourselves to be inferior, we blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong. We strive harder and harder for perfection, but cannot shake the destructive feeling that everything we do is inadequate. Thus, constantly amplify our weaknesses and label ourselves as stupid, ugly, a failure, hopeless, and unlovable. Our smallest mistake or oversight gets magnified in our eyes to the point where we lose faith in our abilities to communicate, relate, and perform effectively.
Low self-esteem people fall into the trap of thinking that the entire world sees them as being as pathetic as they see themselves, which frequently leads to misinterpretation of people’s generally harmless words and actions, thinking that people are pointing out how pitiable they really are. Thus, consistently overreact to situations and statements because everything feels like a personal attack on their inadequacies. They damage relationships and alienate themselves further, which erodes their ability to connect with people. Low self-esteem is a self-sabotaging behavior that robs your joy, peace, love, success and health.
If you or anyone else is suffering from low self-esteem, here’s the good news – that is, you have the choice and ability to reinvent yourself. It all starts now with your decision to do so. Only you can make the change in your life and live a life that is truly meaningful for yourself.
Trust me, I know of people who refuses to give-up their unhealthy self-esteem and decline to develop their self-esteem to a greater height, because having low self-esteem makes a person a victim. Victims feel sorry for themselves instead of accepting accountability for their excellence and for making life work.
I definitely hope that this article will help lift you up and standing tall above your self-esteem, and let’s work together through the 5 steps to put you on the journey of a life that is filled with peace, joy, love, success, and achievements.
Step 1 – Think about what you are thinking about? First, you need to know what you should be thinking about. If you want happiness and fulfillment, you must concentrate your thoughts on good things. Focus on whatever is factual, lovely, and admirable at that particular moment rather than adopting a negative interpretation about ourselves and other people. Negative interpretation made us right and made someone else wrong. It allows us to justify our behavior and dominate others or avoid being dominated. It is our human self-preservation mechanism to keep us safe from hurt and protected from possible future harm.
Step 2 – Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. Do not be anxious over everything, but if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. In all issues and matters, focus on peaceable outcome and let peace be the dominating thoughts which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds. Be thankful and always be in thanksgiving for all things.
Action plan for steps 1 and 2 – On a daily basis, notice your perceptions of events and conversations with others. Do you typically view the world from a positive, empowering perspective or from a negative, cynical one? Reinterpret each event or conversation from a positive point of view that is void of harsh self-judgment.
Step 3 – Control your wandering-wondering thoughts. The problem if we allow wandering-wondering thoughts to preoccupied our minds at every moments, not only do we failed to accomplish the things we need to do, but wandering-wondering becomes the normal way our minds function and we waste a lot of time, actually for nothing! Being indecisive keeps us from moving forward and can eventually wear us down. Wondering and indecision can become strongholds in our minds that can leave us feeling confused, insecure, and ineffective.
Step 4 – Overly-suspicions can poison the Mind. An overly suspicious nature can poison your mind and affect your ability to love and accept other people. Also, a suspicious minded person tends to be a passive person, that is, one who would like to see something good take place but preferred to wait to see if it does. The desire is right but the person takes no action. If passive people spot a need, they usually react with “That is just not right, someone needs to do something about it.” Never did it occur to the person that the ‘someone’ who needs to do something might be him. This also explains why low self-esteem people spends their time sleeping, complaining things not done or not done proper, and being extremely critical. Learn to take responsibility in your own life! Stop giving yourself excuses for a lack of discipline and pure laziness.
Step 5 – Develop a compassionate heart. Many times when people have been hurt badly in their past, they develop a hard-core attitude and build invisible walls to protect themselves – locking themselves in, which also lock others out of their lives. You need to challenge your feelings and emotions to put your emotions and moods in its right perspective. It is not a matter of just thinking, but a strong commitment and self-control. Within us, there are good emotions such as compassion, understanding, and gentleness of heart.
No matter what our past experiences or our present feelings, we are to be compassionate towards others, we are to rejoice with those who rejoice, and to weep with those who weep. Hurting people hurt people, but love can heal and change them. Anybody can be tough, harsh, and hard-hearted, but you have a choice to be tender, compassionate, and understanding – be more sensitive to the feelings and needs of others and less sensitive to your own feelings and needs. We are not to be led by our negative feelings, but we are to be moved by compassion and understanding to those in need.
Action plan for steps 3 to 5 – The failure to honor your own most important or key values perpetuates low self-esteem. These values make up the essence of who we are. Which of your key values do you feel you cannot happily live without? Which values are not fully honored? How does this affect your vitality and self-image? What values are you bringing into relationships to strengthen the bonds? What will you put into place within the next 30 days to begin to honor these essential components that nourish your inner spirit? Create a list of your strengths and gifts. From the list, select the top five qualities that will support your happiness, power, and effectiveness.
As human beings, we all possess a variety of needs that must be met for us to lead fulfilled and happy lives. Those lacking in self-esteem often forego their needs, resigned to not having them fulfilled because they think they are not worthy.
A habit that will support maintaining high self-esteem is to assume total responsibility for making life work optimally. Responsibility is never about blame, burden, or fault. It does not involve judgment, guilt or shame. It lives only in the present as a form of empowerment, never in the past as a way to reinforce a negative past opinion. Think about responsibility from the perspective that it is your right to actively meet your needs, nurture your grandeur and bring about your happiness. Take the interpretation it is your obligation to ensure that all aspects of your life contribute to your enrichment and happiness.
The quality of our lives is directly proportional to the quality of our relationships. In order to make relationships work, we must give others the space to be any way they are, without judgment. When it is all right with you for them to be who they are, you create room for them to be.
When we love and forgive ourselves, we give ourselves permission to be human, permission to make mistakes and mess things up. This, in turn, allows us to forgive and offer love to others. Forgive yourself for having fallen short of perfection and offer this same forgiveness to those who erred, hurting you in the process. Grant yourself the understanding, respect and compassion that you would gladly give to others. Know that you need not continue to judge yourself so harshly.
Embracing acceptance succeeds when you recognize, moment by moment, when you are judging yourself and immediately return to your commitment to love yourself and look for your splendor instead of your shortcomings. Live boldly and with passion, and watch your self-esteem and that of others flourish!
Your success is my greatest rewards! Your favorite author and speaker – Peter Ng
