AWAKENING THE POWER WITHIN YOU
(Enjoy Your Everyday Generosity)
Self-Development and Inspirational series …
Are you the kind of person who people can feel relax around, comfortable with, and enjoying your company? Are you the kind of person that people can feel at ease even if that somebody makes mistakes and you are all right to let it go? Or are you a person must always have things your way?
Do people enjoy having you around? Are you generous? No, I am not talking about money. Most people relate generosity to giving money. Well, part of it maybe. But a true generous person is a person who will give others their time, attention, understanding, forgiving, discernment, patience, compassion, and humility.
Recently, I was on a management retreat trip, and have met a really weird guy, James (not his real name). Throughout the whole trip he hardly spoke to anyone, and is always sitting at a corner reading his books or walking a distance from everyone else. Each time when I tried to get the group to mix with him, they will giggle and asked me to accompany him if I felt that he needed it. In short, no one likes him. I tried to talk with him, and the next thing I know, he is telling me how highly academically qualified he is, what is his credentials, and keep questioning me in every aspects of my principles and why he think is not right, and his theories and principles are better. The conversations are either all about himself or he would be criticizing who you are. Every conversation I tried having with him ended with no flow and walking away feeling condemned. He has a spirit of egocentric and criticism, and lack a spirit of generosity.
A person with a spirit of generosity attracts people toward them. When we give more than we receive, we end up receiving more. Generosity bridges relationships, expands networks, builds stability, and strengthens lives.
One of my memorable experiences was in Kuala Lumpur. One morning I was rushing out for a meeting, and the chambermaid happened to step in to clean my room. I had left RM3.00 on the bed as a small token of appreciation for her service, but noticed that she was walking in with a slight lame. I inquired about her condition and she told me it is due to arthritis. I went down to my taxi driver and asked him to wait for me for another ten minutes. I ran to the Mall, went in to a pharmaceutical store to get some pain-relieving cream, rushed back to my room, and gave the tubes of cream to her, telling her that it would relief her of the pain whilst she is cleaning the rooms.
After explaining to my cab driver why I was slightly late, he assured me that he will get me to the meeting place on time. Surprising, I was not late for my meeting, and I really do not want to be late as I have a high reputation of being punctual. I had a good meeting maybe because deep in my heart there was a sense of joy for doing something good. The story does not end here. When I returned to my room, there was a small bouquet of beautiful handmade paper-flowers with a small note that read, “Not many guests would leave a tip these days, but what you did this morning, was more than a tip, it is something which I have never experience in my years of working as a chambermaid. From now on whenever you checked into this hotel, I would be your personal chambermaid. I have made my request to the management and they have approved of it.”
We have become friends, and she always ensures that I have a nice clean and smelling room and would always buy my favorite pastries placing it nicely on a plate for me.
From my life experiences, I learnt that each time when we give more of ourselves, we would always end up receiving much more. We are so busy with our own lives that we just cannot give people our time, attention, understanding, compassion, humility, respect, and forgiveness.
But, Peter, I disagree with your previous words that each time when we give more of ourselves, we would always end up receiving much more. There are people when you treat them nice, they will not reciprocate.
I do agree, but then when we are helping others with an intention of expecting returns then it is motive-oriented and not generosity-oriented. We give because we wanted to give and not have-to gives, thus, not expecting anything in return. In my article-database there are more than 2,500 readers, how many really took time to write me an email to thank me? Only once, I received more than 80 emails of compliments which I wrote a very powerful truth of learned insecurity. The rest of the months, I received less than 5 complimentary emails. It has never discourages me to write just because there are only a few readers showing their appreciation. It is my joy to write and it is my joy to see people been lifted up, encourages, and becoming much happier, successful, and healthier (mentally), because your success is ultimately my reward. One thing for sure, I believe that my readers do appreciate my articles, for one simple reason, that is, the attrition rate over the last 5 years are only 3. The numbers of people signing up for the article are increasing. Thus, I know that my articles are touching lives and changing people for their betterment. Don’t let past bad experiences determine your future actions. Whatever you do, do it with a spirit of generosity!
At the same time, I have 5 core values built into my life which are my living principles:
• Adding value in every relationships by showing respect
• Sowing seeds that benefits others
• Giving people my ultimate presence
• Be on time every time
• To have fun every day
The five personal core values are not only a part of my life principles but also my business principles. I have always believed in relationship-building business, working on the basis of collaboration that we can always be on win-win level.
Humility
The only way we can ever hope to have peace in our relationships is if we are willing to humble ourselves and esteem others higher than ourselves.
Humility has an enemy called pride. Confidence has an enemy called fear. Love builds up both confidence and humility.
Truly humble people demonstrate patience, and an ever eagerness to help the person who is weak where they are strong.
The signs of pride include an unwillingness to admit fault, to take responsibility for one’s actions, and to initiate making peace. Pride wants to do all the talking, and none of the listening. Pride is stubborn; it does not want to be instructed, it wants to instruct others.
In my early story regarding James, he is listening to his own voices all the time and interpreting words and phrases according to his perceptions of things. He does not want or think he need even a slightest of kind advice, because he does not want to be instructed, instead he want to instruct others and having the need of his final words. People like James who is hindered by pride, and his lack of discipline is always blaming circumstance and other people for his personal failure.
One of the mornings in our retreat, we are expected to wake up by 4.30am for a team exercise at 5.30am. James had over-slept and was the last to arrive at the exercise ground. He came angry, aggressive, foul mood, and throwing his tantrums at us for not waking him up and blaming the hotel morning-call services, which in actual fact, the hotel did provide the morning call and his room-mate tried waking him up 3 times before leaving the room, reminding him of the morning exercise. For some strange reasons, people who have little or no spirit of generosity tend to blame their failure and lack of discipline to circumstance, people, and always getting angry with themselves.
Are you perhaps trying to make someone else responsible for things that only you can do anything about? Are you blaming people for your problems or constantly being angry with yourself for not doing the things that should have been done? Let us take responsibility and stop expecting people to do for us what we should, in reality, be doing for ourselves. Have a spirit of generosity to yourself! If you cannot help yourself how then you can assist others?
Compassion
Most people think of compassion as an admirable character trait like honesty, loyalty, or spontaneity. If you have compassion, you show it by being kind, sympathetic, and helpful to others. Compassion is actually a skill – a skill you can acquire if you lack it or improve if you already have it.
Understanding others is mostly a matter of listening holistically instead of listening to your own self-talk and bring forth your own perceptions and meaning to the conversation. Instead of saying to yourself, “What a negative person, all she ever did is complaining. Will she ever shut up?” as you listen to your mother telling you about her trip to the doctor. You ask her questions about her symptoms and the tests she had to take. You gently probe for the feelings underneath the facts. Gradually you realize that she is not merely complaining about the medical costs, nurse’s attitude, but she is worried about getting older, and about long-term illness. You are able to empathize and offer some sympathy, instead of your usual impatience. This makes her feel better and you feel better about yourself.
Acceptance is perhaps the most difficult aspect of compassion. Acceptance is an acknowledgement of the facts, with all value judgments suspended. I used to know a friend who is perpetually seeking directions in his life, and can be so self-focused that you can be sick, pale looking and coughing in front of him and yet, he did not even notice it. He will keep talking about his dreams and his desires, and you practically need to highlight to him that you are sick, and suddenly he will take notice of it and asked you to rest or take medication. Interesting character! I have accepted him as who he is, and need not be angry or emotionally upset with my value judgment on him.
Forgiveness flows out of understanding and acceptance. Like those two traits, it doesn’t mean approval. It means letting go of the past, reaffirming self-respect in the present, and looking toward a better future. When you forgive others, you are releasing yourself from hatred and emotional upset. When the heart is freed, you can be truly happy.
Having a spirit of generosity do requires us to be filled with compassion – that is, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. And giving people the love and care that is so lacking in today’s busyness society.
Avoid Unrealistic Expectations
We all have personal standards that we expect other people to meet, and we are disappointed when people fail to act the way we hoped. But is it really what they do that hurts us, or is it our own unrealistic expectations that set us up for the pain we feel when they don’t perform to our standards?
We want to be free to be who we are but we do not always give other people the freedom to be who they are. People without the spirit of generosity want to change people to be who they want them to be; or living up to their personal standards, thus, making people around them feeling frustrated and suffocating.
Another point here is that we often think people should be able to read our minds when we should be willing to clearly communicate what we expect from them.
Discernment
Other people happiness is not your responsibility. Everyone is accountable for their own happiness. There are people who are filled with bitterness, resentment, rage, anger, and self-pity. Though it is a choice they have made, we are not to judge them, but we are also not to be sinking in with them in their negative behaviors or giving them too much of attention that they are seeking more from you. Our approaches to people are to serve and to help. But if someone is simply taking advantage of our niceness through lies, schemes, acting of self-pity, or evil intention, we must hold people accountable in a proper way.
Please do not confuse helping people as sympathizing people. Loving people does not becoming blind to the cause that we do not see people from doing wrong. We must hold people accountable in a proper way. You are not loving people if you do not care enough to confront their bad behavior or attitude. That is not being discerning, but providing positive reinforcement to their negative behaviors. Discipline out of love and care by reflecting their evil intentions, holding them accountable for their negative actions, and leading them to repent from their bad behaviors. When we do correct people, it should be because we truly love and care about them, not just because we want to tell them what is wrong with them and act superior.
One thing is sure – we cannot change people, people must be willing to change themselves. People must be hold accountable in their own lives. Loving people is not spoiling them and allowing them to lead a wayward life destroying themselves and people around them.
We should esteem others higher than ourselves, especially if we want to enjoy peace in our relationships with them. I believe a humble attitude and a willingness to accept what demonstrations of love others offer to us may really help a lot of people. Live a life with a spirit of generosity, giving to people your time, attention, understanding, humility, compassion, love, and discernment with a realistic expectation of human behaviors and attitude. As we give of ourselves to others, you would not be surprise that you may just end up receiving more in return – in terms of love, peace, joy, friendship, and help in times of need.
Your Favorite Author & Speaker – Peter Ng
Great News! The inspirational book ‘EAGLES Dare! Leadership Mastery’ was a roaring success. Thank you for all your support. It is now into its second print. You can now purchase your copy of this inspirational book “EAGLES Dare! Leadership Mastery” at www.ubspress.com.
