Miranda, one of my life coachee, “Peter, I am very happy with my new career as a Personal Banker. This job really matures me, and makes me realize there is so much to learn in this world. I enjoyed conversing with my clients; they know what they are talking about, and more often, I learnt so many things from them. It is truly awesome.”

“But these days when I am with my friends, I can’t seem to hold conversation with them, and worst, they make me feel that I am different from them. On a few occasions, I made last minute cancellation of appointments with them due to the nature of my work, but they thought that I was just being snobbish and arrogance. I apologize, tried to make up, but they would pass remarks on me. One of my good friends even commented that my dressings are ‘of high taste’ and people like her don’t feel comfortable going out with people like me.”

“I am afraid. Maybe, I am trying to be someone I am not. I am devastated! Maybe, I should quit my job!” And I replied …

This is Peter Ng. Welcome to my motivational series – Awakening the Power within You – Don’t Live for Others’ Expectations.

“You are afraid, because you are growing to be someone you meant to be. And you may no longer live in your friends’ expectations.”

Behind every great achievement is a story of education, training, practice, discipline, and sacrifice. Over all these years as a life coach, I realize many people refuse to accept their own achievements for the sake of trying to be accepted by their ‘friends’.

I believe when the ugly duckling became a swan, many of the ducklings cannot accept or even acknowledge her true beauty. Some of the ducks would comment that all her beauty are artificial, others might said, you should have known her years ago, she is really ugly; and yet some would say it wouldn’t last long. The ducklings would rather she remain the same ugly duckling she used to be and I believe they are much more comfortable if she remains so.

What surprise me is that there are people who prefer we remain at the stage of where they are.

If they are really your friends, why would they want you to stay at the level of ugliness? They would be glad that you are making headway in your life, progress in your career, and becoming the person you meant to be.

If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. You are responsible for your own life – not others. You don’t live for others’ expectations; but in your own expectations. To be successful, you need to take the position that you either create or allow everything that happens to you.

I believe each of us is born with a life purpose. ‘Purpose’ means you’re doing what you love to do, doing what you’re good at and accomplishing what’s important to you. When you truly are on your life purpose, the people, resources, and opportunities you need naturally gravitate toward you. If you knew inside you that you love what you are doing, and in your conscience, you know you are trying your best to balance work and life, you are going to re-own your power and get what you really want out of life. Not being clear about what you want and making other people’s needs and desires more important than your own is simply a habit. Don’t live someone else’s dreams. We know we need not get people’s approval to live our own dreams. If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable for others, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise. No wonder, there are many people living with compromised life. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your life purpose!

Most of the time, nobody’s thinking about you at all! They are too busy worrying about their own lives, and if they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are thinking about them. People think about themselves, not you. Think about it – all the time you are wasting worrying about what other people think about your ideas, your goals, your clothes, and your career could all be better spent on thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals! What others think about you is none of your business.